Quotes of the Day!

Only two today, because I'm so tired and I'm so busyyyy

Love yourself, let it go.

Anger is such a terrible thing that it can tear families, friends and lovers apart if not managed productively. Don’t get me wrong – anger is an important thing to feel, but one must learn how adequately to deal with it before they can really use is in a constructive manner, forgive and move on.

[caption id="attachment_120" align="aligncenter" width="430"] Roaarrrr!!![/caption]

We’ve all been there; felt the overwhelming rage take over us as words we don’t really mean let loose from our lips and sometimes our bodies respond in almost violent ways. Almost always, we regret our actions later, or cause more harm than we meant – oftentimes leaving us in a position where it’s hard to pick up the pieces as the irreparable damage has already been done.

Understanding anger is key in being able to forgive and move on with your life. We mustn’t fight anger, but use it to our advantage. William G DeFoore, with nearly forty years experience in helping people in personal growth and development, says that we must not see anger as being the ‘bad guy’ because in doing so “you just won’t get to the forgiving part.” Anger and forgiveness, in his opinion are much the same.

Remember that life starts with love and anger is an inevitable emotion, which can temporarily or permanently take us away from love. When we work through our anger, we can forgive, which in turn allows us to return to love.

How are anger and forgiveness the same?

Both unhealthy anger and premature forgiveness include judgement, dishonouring oneself, and feeling like you are ‘one-up’ from the other person.

When a person feels anger towards someone else, it is most often that they are judging them and feeling that the other person is wrong, and therefore seeing themselves as being better, or ‘one-up’. By playing what is referred to as ‘the blame-game’ the angry person is in fact dishonouring themselves by not taking responsibility for their actions and instead falling victim to the situation.

The same is true of premature forgiveness, that is to say forgiving someone before you are ready. You are still judging them, and feeling like ‘the bigger person’ by forgiving them, but in truth, you are again, dishonouring yourself, because though you have forgiven them in so to speak, in your heart and gut you still hold resentment towards them.

Things to remember when you are angry...

The other person is responsible for his/her actions that triggered your anger. You are not responsible for their behaviour. You are, however, responsible for your emotional reaction to their behaviour and your actions that result from that.

What happens when anger is healthy and forgiveness is authentic?

In such a scenario, which is really, the place you want to be, and how you want to use your anger in a constructive manner, there is a power attained by a healthy release and letting go, which in the end, brings you out of the victim position. It is important to note that anger can only be healthy when it is accompanied, to some degree, by love, compassion and wisdom and forgiveness can only be true when it is driven by love for yourself and/or the other person.

Understanding anger...

As we discussed earlier, anger is something we’ve all felt, and for the most part we see it as being a bad thing. This is, in fact, a common misconception; anger is not necessarily a negative feeling.

Some more false impressions are that it is possible to be without anger completely, it is wrong to feel angry, anger and aggression is one and the same thing, and when someone is angered they are not safe to be around.

You’ll be surprised to learn, that ‘healthy’ anger, is in effect, a feeling you experience when you’re threatened or opposed and therefore a protective reaction. It is a powerful energy that can be used for positive change or outcomes and thus serves to be a fuel for effective action.

Think about anger towards a system; unhealthy anger would mean causing a ruckus, being violent and voicing your frustrations through destructive actions whereas healthy anger would use those frustrations to delve into one’s creativity and find a practical solution to change how things work.

Next time you’re outraged by something or someone, take a step back, breathe, and search deep within yourself to come up with an answer to solve your issue, rather than lash out.

Understanding true forgiveness...

Funnily enough, true forgiveness is something that only your body can do, as both anger and resentment are held and felt by the body as well as the mind, so you need to make sure they’re both ready to forgive before you can take that step.

Some things that must be understood regarding forgiveness are:

• It requires both a physical and emotional release before it is complete.


• Your body can hold onto anger long after you think you’ve forgiven in your mind.


• You do not have the power to absolve the wrong-doer, forgiveness is for yourself.


• Forgiving someone does not mean that you condone their actions.


• Withholding forgiveness does not hold the wrong-doer accountable for his/her actions – they are accountable regardless.


• You must fully examine the depths of your wounds and anger caused by the wrong-doer before you can move on to forgive them.

One must always remember, that at the end of the day, forgiveness is for you, and for no one else. It is also good for your health as it allows you to be more joyful and loving! Khalil Gibran’s quote comes to mind here, “The more sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain.” But of course, we have to first free our minds and bodies of the fury and resentment! When you pardon someone for hurting you and causing you pain you will feel your body relax; you will sleep and breathe easier.

Down in the dumps!

Sometimes we don’t get what we want – or we don’t always get what we want – either way in testing  times like these we have to just make do with what we have and what we need. It’s so easy to be sucked into a downward spiral when things aren’t going your way and it becomes increasingly difficult to remember or try to stay positive. There’s something good about every day, but when your life feels like one big black hole and you’re stuck in an emotional void feeling numb and so not feeling at all, these good things get blurry and are often hard to make out.

Whether it’s a job that you got turned down from, a boy that broke your heart, parents that can’t accept you’re an adult, or a decision you made that had unforeseen consequences... when you’ve done everything in your power to make something happen and it’s not happening how you’d like perhaps you just need to have faith that either it’s not meant to be, or then, it’s not meant to be quite yet. If it’s something that’s gone terribly wrong, try to look for the lesson, if not the silver lining. What can you learn from this experience? We must believe that the universe has a plan for us and ultimately we will get to that place where we are insanely happy, but for now this is the path we have to tread to get there. Once we’re there perhaps we will appreciate our journey, but for now, it’s treacherous at best. Hang in there, the murkiness will soon clear and you’ll be able to see the bright sunshine once again. Cue “I can see clearly now the rain has gone...”

It’s also good to sometimes have an outlet. What do you feel? I know we like to say we’re numb, but that usually comes from feeling too much of an emotion. So what is it? Anger? Hurt? Regret? Sadness? We can take these negative feelings and use the energy to do something positive. Perhaps you can volunteer time at a shelter and distract yourself while focusing on other people’s problems and seeing how much you have to be grateful for. In doing this you’re also doing something good, and we all know how karma works. Points! If you’re filled with anger and your blood is boiling, perhaps take a self defence class. Learn how to kick box or join a fitness regime. It’ll get your adrenaline pumping and get the anger out of your system in a series of kicks, jabs, and punches! When you’re feeling low I find that what always helps is making someone else happy – it works better than people trying to make you happy. Bake a batch of cupcakes for someone, take someone for coffee, help a little old lady cross the road, donate some old clothes, play with an animal. You’ll be surprised at what this will do for your morale.

[caption id="attachment_117" align="aligncenter" width="329"] Don't be grouchy![/caption]

Most important is to trust in life’s plan for us and know that, as Soren Kierkegaard put it, life must be lived as we our living it but it can only be understood backwards. Have faith that life will work itself out and you will be happy at the end of the day. Let this trying moment make your back stronger so that when life throws you a curved ball you can handle it and carry the burdens that come your way. And for each moment that you think you’ve got it easy, be incredibly grateful, because you know how difficult things can sometimes be.