Faking It

So I hate having to do things that I don't want to just because that's what someone else wants and I'm afraid to disappoint them or piss them off or hurt their feelings. Yet I do it. Time and time again. Sometimes I eventually end up being grateful that I did, but every so often it leaves me upset and resentful. Ergo I end up pretending to be something I'm not for someone else's sake because I feel that doing what I want is selfish. Is that ok? The line is blurry... when should you live for others and when is it acceptable to stand your ground to do what you want and be genuinely happy rather than faking it? When is it alright to disappoint someone and make a choice they don't agree with because you'll be happier? When should you go with what someone else wants and sacrifice your own feelings? When does your opinion matter less?

I am struggling with these thoughts today. There's so many things in my life I gave up on because it's not what someone else wanted and/or because it wasn't a decision the people that mattered supported and on days like today I find myself looking back, missing those times, wishing I had fought a little bit harder for what I wanted, what I believed in. But then again, if I had I wouldn't be where I am today and for the most part, I'm happy, or at least content, with my life. Still I can't help but think back and carry that regret of not taking the opportunities that I let slide me by. But those were my decisions, that unfortunately I let other people influence, and now I have to deal with the consequences and try and move forward without looking back and learn to let my past go, fake it till i make it.