ACCEPTING CHANGE

 

 We may not love it, in fact we may not even like it, but sometimes, change can in fact be a good thing. Embracing that is crucial in order to live a happier more fulfilled life.

Mahatma Gandhi said that we should “be the change we want to see in the world,” but that is not the change I speak of here today. The type I’m referring to is when you’re walking along perfectly and content and life throws a curve ball your way. The type of change which in that moment can seemingly shatter your world, crush your dreams and expectations and drown you in a pool of sorrows. However, if you stop being an ostrich and take your head out of the ground at the first sign of trouble in your comfort zone, perhaps you will start to see that the apparently negative change could in fact bring about some positive opportunities. It’s all about how you see things.

In such situations, optimism is key. If one expects the worst to happen, chances are it will. We ourselves are our own anger, our own frustration, our own sadness and our own stress. We allow these feelings to take over us and make us feel down. If you let change bother you, undoubtedly it will. That’s just the way the world works. Be happy go luck! Embrace what comes your way. “When life gives you lemons... make lemonade.” Make the most of what you have, whatever the situation may be. Nothing in life is easy, after all, what fun would it be if it was. Don’t dwell on the negatives, look ahead at the positives.

For those who are afraid to move forward beyond a past that they were comfortable with here’s something to remember:

It’s important not to let the past hold you back but it’s also important to not get caught in the middle in a kind of inertia. Don’t resist change. Take every day at a time, facing new challenges head on. Remember Tom Hardy’s lines from Lawless, “It is not the violence that sets a man apart. It's the distance he's prepared to go.” Change may knock you down and out but what will make you stronger is not the blow that you take, but the fact that in the face of adversity you get up and rise again. Such is it with change, be it in your personal, professional or romantic life.

Here are a few reasons that change and learning to adapt can actually be good for you:

Change makes you flexible. Being stubborn and resistant to new things will make a normally stressing situation even more so. Change helps you be fluid and go with the flow. It trains you to better adapt for something not going according to plan or coming out of the blue and without warning. It strengthens your ability to cope with uncertain, fast-paced, situations.

Change makes you smarter. If things never changed, you’d never learn anything new. Every time you learn a new skill, even if it’s just how to adapt, you are that much smarter than you were yesterday. At work, change may come in the form of temporarily being given a different business role. Don’t stress about how you’re going to handle the pressure; instead welcome the opportunity to learn something new. Remember that if you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. Where’s the fun in that?

Change reminds us that anything is possible. It’s easy to think that anything that’s stuck will always be that way (perhaps the career that won’t lift off the ground or the marriage that’s coasting on neutral). When you see things change though, whether it’s in your life or someone else’s, its encouragement to know that nothing stays the same forever. This can also sometimes be a reminder to us to make the most of each day that we have and spend time with the people we love, doing what makes us happy.

A Relaxing Weekend at Home

No, I’m not joking. Yes, it is possible. Don’t believe me? Read on to discover how you, mother, wife, daughter, working woman, can take some time this weekend to enjoy yourself, and all without leaving the comfort of your own home!

If you’re anything like me, that is to say, someone who works 9 to 5, five days a week, then perhaps, also like me, you enjoy spending the weekend at home, relaxing. Even if you’re a home-maker who spends her days organising the kids, ordering the servants around and overseeing the management of the house, the weekends are days looked forward to because everyone’s at home together. However, sometimes, this can get rather boring and drab, and you feel like you’ve done nothing but waste your time. The important thing, though, is that you do something worth your while, that leaves you feeling refreshed, energised, and not regret having spent hours of your day lying in bed, being lazy (though I have to admit, that feeling does have its perks!).

Let’s look at some fun things you can do, some alone, some with friends or family, to add some spice to your life, without tiring you out too much, and  best of all within the comforts of your own home.

Game Night:

Whether you’ve got young kids, older children, or none at all, games are generally something that will also bring out the child in you. If you’re just a husband and wife, perhaps call over some other couple-friends to join in the fun. To make sure it’s not taking too much of a toll on you, and you also get to enjoy yourself, keep it for after dinner and serve some coffee, drinks and place some snacks around the room. Keep it casual so that the mood stays relaxed and fun and don’t take the game to heart! Enjoy the company, adrenaline and friendly competition.

This also works within a family, with each person for himself or siblings, parents or a parent and child teaming up and playing against each other. Some family favourites are Monopoly, though this often ends in tears, Articulate, Taboo, Pictionary, Scrabble & Life. For the single girls, call some girlfriends over and do the same! This is a great opportunity to have some time together as a family (or as friends), bond, chit chat, and get to know each other better.

Cook-Off:

Before you go thinking that this is another competition I’m throwing into the mix, it’s not! Don’t literally cook-off; we want to keep your weekend stress-free! Get together with your children and indulge in easy cooking or baking. Give every member of the family a task, from laying the table, to dicing the chicken and stir frying the veggies. Let it all come together in a family meal and don’t forget to supervise little children in the kitchen!

Again, this brings people closer together, and if you’ve got kids, ensures that you’re not only spending quality time with them, but also teaching them a little something that will help them a long way. If you’re just husband and wife, make a romantic dinner out of it and divide the chores up so that no one person is in the kitchen on their own. If you’ve got help, you can leave them to do the dishes! If you’re not in the mood to break a bit of a sweat, too lazy, or generally not interested in cooking, order in and enjoys a nice meal with your loved ones. Remember, you want to have fun, so whether that’s in letting someone else cook for you, cooking for or with someone, or eating comfort food in your pjs is up to you!

Movie Night:

Who doesn’t love a great movie, pigging out on popcorn, lying horizontal on the sofa? You don’t need to dress up and go to a cinema to enjoy this experience... I personally love watching movies at home where I can pause, rewind, and re-watch scenes as many times as I want. If you’re on your own pick out something you fancy, a nice chick-flick like When Harry Met Sally, The Notebook, or Gone With the Wind; whatever you’re in the mood for. Bring along a sweet or savoury snack to munch on and choose a nice place where you won’t be bothered by traffic for a couple of hours! Oftentimes, on my own, my favourite place to watch a movie is in my bad with my laptop perched on my belly, earphones in, for a full-on cinematic experience.

Not one for watching movies on your own? Make a family movie night out of it. Set up the lounge with enough seating or space for the number of people, get that many bowls of popcorn, some pick ‘n’ mix and a drink each, dim down the lights, and voila! You’re ready to go. For a family movie night you want to pick something rated U which is appropriate for audiences of all ages and doesn’t result in any awkwardness if you’re watching with parents or children! When everything’s done make sure you have help tidying up and you’re not doing this alone.

Bed, Bath & Beyond:

For those who need some alone time to just recuperate and be alone with their thoughts, or still their mind this is a great routine. Spend some of your morning lying in; enjoy a cup of tea or two in your duvet before you make an appearance. If you’ve got a bath-tub, fill it up with warm water, bubbles, and some essential oils. Go a little further and light some scented candles, but careful to place them in such a way that they don’t pose a fire hazard. If possible, dim the lights, and submerge yourself beneath the soapy suds, eyes shut, relaxing your body and mind. For those who’re interested, this is also a great time to exfoliate the skin with a body brush or loofah!

When you decide to emerge, take your time pampering yourself. Take care of the little things you don’t get time to do during the week like polishing your face, putting on a masque or doing your nails. You can also spend the day catching up on your reading, making calls to family or friends and tidying up both yourself and perhaps your room!

Redecorate:

If you’re the creative type and you’re looking to find your zen why don’t you try to redecorate or even re-organise your world and clear you mind and space. Hang up a painting or poster you’ve been hiding under your bed, paint your wall a different colour or move your furniture around to spruce things up a little. You’ll be surprised to see how a slight change in the interior or just de-cluttering your surrounding can actually do wonders for your mood. Not only will you be at home but you’ll also be using your time productively and not necessarily alone. Inspire your family to clean out or change around their rooms too, or help each other and do one living area at a time.

While you’re at it, why not also go into the closets and indulge in a little spring cleaning? Throw out, or better yet, put aside for those less fortunate than yourselves, clothes you haven’t worn for a year, that don’t fit or fall as well, or have gone out of style. Reorganise your wardrobe so everything is neatly stacked, or hung, in some sort of order: colour, length, season and so on.

This exercise is sure to leave you a little tired, but feeling reawakened mentally. A certain calm comes over me whenever I tidy up my room, or even desk. I feel like I can think more clearly and rest easier. Once you’re done, sit back and enjoy a cup of tea in your newly cleared out crib!

Caged Tiger

I feel like a tiger, caged. Even though I am surrounded by comforts and beauty I know that it's all artificial. i feel love from onlookers but it does little to warm my heart. people look at me and marvel as they see majesty and pride but when I catch my reflection in the water I see only slouched shoulders and protruding ribs. I pace my cage, feeling numb, each stride making me more aware of the empty void eating me up from within and I roar to show my pain but I am punished even for that. They clap and I swiftly move my paw across the way but they mistake that too for aggression forgetting that I am a wild cat, this is who I am, this is instinct. the bold lines that decorate my fur have faded in my memories. I am no longer what I used to be; I am merely a ghost of my existence.

Stuck in the past

These days I seem to be surrounded by people that are stuck in the past. For whatever reason they can't seem to move forward and live freely. Whether it's an ex-lover, a relationship that went south or even a relationship that never materialised; some people are stuck on historical or political events that unfolded a gazillion years ago. What binds these people together is that they're all crying over spilt milk, harping on about something that has no bearing on today and in doing so are essentially held in a constant state of inertia.

What I wonder is... why? Why is it so hard for them to to come out of this situation and why do they keep reverting to it every so often? Whether it's a state of religiousness, or mourning someone that passed away an eternity ago, or mourning a relationship that didn't go your way I don't think any good comes of this. Life is something we ought to celebrate, even when things don't go our way. We need to learn the lessons and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. Sure not everything is ideal and not everything turns out as it should, but it's important to take the positive, disregard the negative (but understand what went wrong and why) and build on that.

Bad things happen. Sometimes they happen to good people. Sometimes tragedies befall good families. Sometimes the individual deserved it. However, if we let ourselves be held back by events of the past we're losing out on life. The deceased person or relationship ran it's course and for whatever reason things didn't work out. Now's time to grab life by the collar, and go get what you want.

More on this later. For now people really need to stop dwelling on what has happened and start shaping the future. Otherwise... how are we ever going to progress as a people? as a nation? as individuals? Stop idolising the past and building monuments to things that no longer exist... focus on what's in front of you, the rest of your life, still waiting to be lived out. Do something worthwhile instead of grieving for what's gone.

Consumption: Those three words continued

So yesterday I put a really meaningful quote up here. Deep and profound, I said "let it consume you"... reading it again today I got to thinking that when we let love or any other feeling consume us it hampers our ability to think straight and exercise judgement accordingly. When we are consumed by a thought or a person that thing becomes the very centre of our lives and anything else secondary. It impairs us but it gives us a wonderful high; an exquisite sense of elation. 

Focusing, or moving forward from, those three words I shared with you earlier, one needs to be careful of how love affects them. When states of sleeping and waking start to blur and every moment your thoughts drift to another, dreams are fantasies of reality and reality is your dreams coming true you are clearly in a state of bliss. What about everything else in your life though? Work? Family? Friends? Leisure? Do we let it go all too soon? So that when we have been consumed and are returned to the world, used, sometimes broken, we have nothing left to go back to for we forgot the world and we come back to find the world has forgotten us. 

I search for that place where I'm a little bit consumed and a little bit weary, where I give all that I can of myself but hold some back, where all my time is his but sometimes his place is to observe. It's a hard path to tread but it helps to maintain some sense of self. I don't know if that makes any sense, does it?

Here's a lovely video, and though I already knew all of this, it has some thought provoking ideas. 

http://on.ted.com/iEz0

Let it Flow...

I have been absolutely swamped this week and haven't had the energy to do much more. Plus there's so much on my mind, and on my plate that I find that it's hard enough to fulfil commitments that I've made! A little something I thought I'd share with ya'll - but I'd scratch out the 'coffee' and replace it with 'tea'! :P

Faking It

So I hate having to do things that I don't want to just because that's what someone else wants and I'm afraid to disappoint them or piss them off or hurt their feelings. Yet I do it. Time and time again. Sometimes I eventually end up being grateful that I did, but every so often it leaves me upset and resentful. Ergo I end up pretending to be something I'm not for someone else's sake because I feel that doing what I want is selfish. Is that ok? The line is blurry... when should you live for others and when is it acceptable to stand your ground to do what you want and be genuinely happy rather than faking it? When is it alright to disappoint someone and make a choice they don't agree with because you'll be happier? When should you go with what someone else wants and sacrifice your own feelings? When does your opinion matter less?

I am struggling with these thoughts today. There's so many things in my life I gave up on because it's not what someone else wanted and/or because it wasn't a decision the people that mattered supported and on days like today I find myself looking back, missing those times, wishing I had fought a little bit harder for what I wanted, what I believed in. But then again, if I had I wouldn't be where I am today and for the most part, I'm happy, or at least content, with my life. Still I can't help but think back and carry that regret of not taking the opportunities that I let slide me by. But those were my decisions, that unfortunately I let other people influence, and now I have to deal with the consequences and try and move forward without looking back and learn to let my past go, fake it till i make it.

More

So I finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and believe it or not, I can't wait to pick up the two books that follow. For one, E L James left readers pretty much hanging, but also because, I am intrigued by the psychologies and emotions I see. It's still not a well written book - I'm reading "The Best of Me" by Nicholas Sparks alongside and each page has so much description, each line brings an image to your mind as if you're watching a movie - Fifty Shades is nothing in comparison in terms of literary writing. But she's definitely got something there. Can't quite put a finger on it.

Anyway, I digress...

Where I was going with this was... it got me thinking, do we women always want "more"? Is our appetite insatiable when it comes to love and emotion? Can we really never get enough? Is "more" even something we can define? And with these thought, I sat to think... and I arrived at the conclusion, that it seems to be true! We're greedy in relationships, especially when we fall in love. We're selfish. Or I am at least, but hey, I'm going to generalise for now, based on a small focus group of girls I associate with!

BF can give us ten hours a day, but we'll want twelve. He'll give us a ring and we'll want a fantabulous wedding. He'll commit himself to us for life but we want to throw in some additional clauses. So is it us women, then, that make relationships so complicated? I'm a little scared to admit it, but again, I think I've got something. Men are literal. They say what they mean, they don't mince their words, there's no hints or undertones. If he's mad you can tell by his demeanour, if he's grouchy you can see it on his face, if you're successfully cheering him up you'll see a genuine smile spread across his face. Very seldom will you see a man complicating things by putting on a facade or misleading or even asking for more. I'm sure there's the exception - but I'm, again, talking about generally. Even if they did want more, they'd probably just go on and say it rather than beat around the bush.

Something to think about?

Thoughts prompted by the relationship of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. 

Things I'd like to leave behind...

So I got to thinking, when I die... what will be left of me other than me resting in pieces, a modest gravestone with a few nice words and a cherry blossom to mark the spot (yes, this is how I want to buried...). Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, by the time we get to whenever life flashes before our eyes I'm sure it doesn't seem like we've lived an eternity, as it appears to now.

I think I'll add to this list as time goes by, if not on this blog at least mentally... but when I die I want to leave behind

* At least two beautiful children, inside and out, who're good human being and know and stand up for what's right and admonish what's wrong. I want them to be strong people, both in their personalities and their conviction - because it's so easy in today's world to be led astray. I want them to make a difference in the world and I want to give them that confidence and strength to know that they can.

* I'd like to leave behind my words, perhaps a novel is too ambitious, and a blog not ambitious enough. But I'd like to leave behind perhaps a collection of short stories or a novelette. Something with my name on it.

* A sustainable business, a brand, a label and above all an enterprise for underprivileged women which liberates them and gives them the power to make their lives better, to provide basic needs for them and their families. This has been my lifelong dream, living in Pakistan, a country where a select few have everything handed to them on a plate while others are living hand-to-mouth, fighting for their basic rights, and failing. I yearn to give the generations ahead more liberation, education (academic and regarding life), freedom, rights, clothes, power. I want every child to flourish and be the same as I'd want my own children to be.

* A school of sorts - to impart knowledge, well-being, dos and don'ts, to look after children, to give them strength and confidence and to make them into the best people that they can be. To challenge them and help them grow, question, make decisions. To help them become someone and achieve their potential.

* An animal shelter where each resident is loved, cared for, fed, given a place to sleep comfortably, perhaps found a loving home, and cuddles :) I don't know if I've let on but I ADORE animals. It breaks my heart to see an animal suffer, especially when they're doing us no harm. Would it hurt us to help them and show them a little love?

* Paintings. Lots of them. In good homes. Which reminds me - I have a lot of paintings up for adoption. They're all looking for good homes!

* Most of all I want to leave behind precious memories for my loved ones to always treasure. Make each moment, each conversation, each touch, count. To always say what I'm feeling when it's good and try hard to be happy. With such little time, unhappy moments are moments wasted.

Fifty shades of effed up

So I cracked under all the hulaballoo and picked up the most talked about novel these days: Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James. As I read on, I'm just over half-way through the book, I can't help but find myself getting angry, frustrated at men (and I guess sometimes women also) in general, and being utterly shocked and repulsed. The book is intriguing as it sheds light on domination, submission, BDSM, and even human psychology, but strangely disturbing in equal measure. It takes a toll on my mental well-being as I have mini panic-attacks regarding men, my future, and how you never really know someone. Don't get me wrong, submission can be fun, so can role play, but this is plain old, straight forward, abuse! Even if it's consensual!

The language is explicit and overly descriptive making it more pornographic than it should have to be, and the writing isn't all that great. I continue to read only because I hope that the end makes it worth the traumatic journey there, for both me and Anastasia. The book makes you question, think, fantasize even, but most of all, it sets off that inquisitive mind of yours, that makes you turn page after page, looking for some kind of solace amongst the kinkiness and emotional horror, asking yourself questions most of us probably never entertained.

I don't know if I like this... but I'm eager to finish and read the other two in the trilogy.

De-stressing

So lately I haven't been feeling a hundred percent. A lot of things were contributing to this... heat, dehydration, bad work conditions, increased responsibility and therefore pressure at work, stresses in my personal life, not knowing what to do next or which direction to head in. For the past few days my kidneys had really begun to hurt and after doing some research and also talking to a couple of people I realised the damage could be irreparable. So, in an effort to salvage them, I started drinking more water, I try to do 2-3 km of interval training 4 times a week at minimum to stay fit and work on my stamina and general feeling of well-being but the problems persisted.

Lately I'd been fatigued, not sleeping well, nauseous, had a lack of appetite, headaches, dizzy, body and joint pains - honestly it sounded like I'd aged fifty years! My friend's a doctor - got a list of tests to get done, cbc, tsh, etc. but everything was, thankfully, normal. So what's the problem I asked? Her response... "probably just stress".

I blog to vent. And perhaps I need to do more of it. I feel like other people don't always understand how I feel, and sometimes they are either sick of listening to me whine and complain or they just don't have the time. And I can't blame them. I also get sick of folks who keep crying over spilt milk that has dried up and become a stinky curdled mess! "Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it!" Unless you have a blog and want to whine into this blackhole of an abyss. And honestly, who really cares about other peoples problems? Don't we all have a bunch of our own to worry about? Those who want to entertain themselves with random ramblings of a sometimes drama queen who over analyses things, can be super sensitive and is almost always right are warned... the doc says I need to de-stress. You are the people that are going to get a lot of juicy blogposts in the near future! Don't worry - I keep the real boring stuff tucked safely away in a journal - but I'm quite the storyteller - so I'll take the good bits and mince them into something worth reading! Good for you - fun stuff to waste time on, good for me - out of my system!

Since I promised myself not to get too personal here you might not even be able to tell when and where I'm doing it - the venting! Woohoo! Oh and also - I'll be writing some fictional stories inspired by some of my friends. They've had some interesting life experiences but since I don't want to expose them and their colourful natures - we'll just let it be "fiction inspired by somewhat true events, slightly exaggerated and given a better ending!"

Speaking of religion

Speaking of religion

This is a good one. 

Phobia

So I'm on a plane some 30,000 feet above sea level flying back from Karachi to Lahore. Unfortunately home isn't, in this case, where the heart is.

I'm terrified of flying. I seem to have almost a phobia of falling. It all stemmed from a class trip when I was ten... due to thunderstorms and lightening a plane full of bustling 6th graders fell some few hundred feet causing not only our stomachs to lurch but also our loose items, including drinks, to go flying into the space above us. The fact that our accompanying teachers were crying did little to console our terrified little hearts. Fifteen years on the memory still makes my throat close up and my stomach hurt.

[caption id="attachment_463" align="aligncenter" width="391"] Never again flying Shaheen Air! I'd rather a pay a little extra and come away with my life.[/caption]

I decided to write this so that I could distract myself from that feeling of what it would feel like plunging to my death. We took off into the night sky, the city of lights sparkling beneath me but were quickly enveloped in thick clouds. As shades of grey pressed against my window I couldn't help but feel claustrophobic. I couldn't see jack outside.

*new development* the lights all went on in the cabin suddenly...air hostesses started walking through and the PA beeped as there was some turbulence outside. That always makes my heart race. Apparently there was some technical issue and we had to turn around and go back. We were only some twenty minutes into the flight and so approx an hour out of Lahore, my destination. A technical problem is never good. my heart raced, so much so, that I couldn't hear my own thoughts, ie myself panic. But before I had time to fully freak out there was another announcement as worried passengers looked solemnly at one another that the problem had been resolved and we were going to keep easing towards Lahore. NOW... that should have made me feel better only I've heard an awful lot about airlines not wanting to waste fuel going back to their point of origin and therefore risking completing their journey even in lieu of a problem. I'm therefore going to spend the rest of this flight - approx 1 hour - praying to God to keep us safe, up in the air and let us land safely. I sincerely hope that the crew is smart enough to make the right decision.

I'm going to go now and write more about this phobia when I, God willing, land safely in what I call my home. Ameen.

So THAT (above) was yesterday. Now I'm at work - because I did, thank God, land safely. I also found out today, that the technical problem was that the wheel was jammed...! And so we landed with a thud and a screech and a little bounce as the plan kinda, sorta, swerved. I'm not exaggerating I swear!

Born to be wild..

So I’m a nature lover – I’m not talking botany and rain forest resorts, though I can be a bit of a tree-hugger, but more my love for animals. Whether they’re my own pets Dexter & Muffin, a bird that’s fallen out of its nest, an itsy bitsy frog, a turtle displaced from the river after the rains or even a baby lizard that makes my mother run shrieking to a safer spot... they make my heart melt. Just observing them and their ways makes me ooh and aah. They’re so... natural. Their actions and reactions are something I can relate to. Almost human. I’m not sure any of this makes any sense to ya’ll...

Where is this coming from? Oh well, there’s a pair of these long-legged birds, I’m not quite sure what they are – I’m going to have to google that – but they’ve got these three little chicks right outside my office. One of the parents, I’m guessing it’s the mom, stays down with the little ones, while the other, probably dad, stays up on a higher surface looking out for enemies. Sometimes when I’m bored I like to observe them. It’s like National Geographic right outside my window! The mom stands there in the centre watching the three chicklets running around, pecking at the grass, wandering, turning regularly to make sure each one is still there, still safe. At the very sight of a human both parents raise the alarm and the babies disappear, camouflaging themselves amongst the rubble.

[caption id="attachment_281" align="aligncenter" width="390"] Aha! Found it! It's a Red Wattled Lapwing![/caption]

Curious – and unfortunately, rather illiterate – colleagues of sorts were intrigued by this miracle of nature and went poking around. I saw through the glass as both adult birds got agitated, wreaking havoc with their loud wails. This, in turn, angered me. What was wrong with these people? They could clearly see that their actions were disconcerting the birds. How would they feel if predators threatened their young? Luckily though, they only wanted to see, and I guess they did have a conscience, for they didn’t harm the fluffy little birds, only looked at them in awe, smiling and chattering away like they’d never before seen anything of the sort.

[caption id="attachment_282" align="aligncenter" width="384"] how cute are these fuzzy little creatures? :)[/caption]

The birds have become a permanent fixture it seems now. They’ve been here just over a week and are not as bothered by us as they were initially. I hope we’ll be seeing them even after the little ones learn to fly. I love watching them :) I love being so at one with these creatures – they offer so much to learn – if we go into it with our hearts and minds open we can live in utmost harmony with each other, in the separate worlds that overlap.

Moments that matter...

So I talked about my recent favourite movie, The Vow, (SPOILER ALERT!!!) last time, and yesterday I was reading passages from it out to a certain someone at night because I thought they made so much sense. I'm very much so a "in the moment" person - or so I'd like to think. I do sometimes worry too much about before and/or after the moments, the future, the past, the what ifs and how and whens. But it's a nice feeling to just let go and enjoy the moment. Be it a lingering kiss from your lover, a heartfelt hug, a cosy cuddle, a look you exchange, an inside joke, a giggle or laugh, or just night-time conversation. Each moment adds up to who we are. Interspersed through here you'll find some of the best lines from the movie. If you haven't seen it and want to - I'd like to warn you here again, that these may be considered spoilers!

"I have a theory too my theory is about moments, moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known. And it’s these moments that become our history. Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again."

"The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought you've found them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, controlling how it's gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding part goes where they may. And wait. For the next collision."

How true is that? I think completely and utterly true. It reminds me of Soren Kierkegaard's quote about life being lived forward but understood backwards. Each little moment creates an impression, leaves space for an acquired taste. Some tickle our fancy and leave us curious, others throw us very much off course. But it is these moments that not only mould us into who we are but also set us on the way or the path of our destiny. You may, or may not, have gauged from my blog that I'm a bit of a thinker. Not the philosophical kind, nah, more like... the inquisitive kind. Especially when it comes to life and the many human emotions involved and how everything comes together to make us who we are.

When I look back and think about my greatest hits in terms of memories, it probably starts off with my A's all throughout junior and middle school, all the goals, baskets, and points that I scored, teams I led to victory, home-runs I made, medals & awards I won for both sports and academics, my final year in A-levels, my 21st and 23rd birthdays, my graduation from university, falling in love, and the many other things in between I'll keep personal! When I'm stressed or just generally having a rough day, it's nice to look back at all that and smile. It reminds me how far I've come and of all the little things, which then seemed insignificant almost, or routine, that got me here. I now see their importance in the story of my life. And hopefully, I've got a long way to go. Many more chapters to right (and write), and lots more greatest hits to come!

But the REAL moments of impact are those that turn your life around, the one's that make you do a second take, or cause your jaw to drop, the one's that really matter. And I've had one or two of those too. And I'm so glad. Because of my one most recent moment of impact, I think I'm looking at making a lot more wonderful moments in the years to come :)

TBC... as and when my thought process continues ;)

The movie also made me think about love.. and foreverness, which shall also be addressed later. The actual vows were breathtakingly beautiful.

Life: A Continuum

So after having been given increased responsibilities in the professional realm my BITA list (Balls.In.The.Air) would give a professional juggler the heebie jeebies! I am still working to find a balance - or assistant so that I can learn to successfully delegate and oversee from a management point of view. This blog is not supposed to get personal - so for those of you who are more interested in what I do, check out my private blog.

Long story short my boss suggested I put in 18 hours a day - I couldn't tell if he was serious, but I flat out said no. Don't get me wrong I love my job - on most days - but I'm not going to kill myself working. I work to live. To enjoy my life. Have disposable income. Spend it. Yet I need the money and I need the job cos I want the lifestyle that it can buy. I think, the conclusion I've arrived at so far, is that we have to analyse what it is we want, and then work towards it. That 'working towards it' requires a lot in the way of long hours, sacrifice and compromise. We can always lower our expectations and then do less work. It boils down, again, to priorities.

You're a young lad with your whole future ahead of you. A fairly qualified banker bloke ready to settle down. A dreamer who lives in wonderland waiting for her prince. Whoever you are, you set your own priorities. Whether it's academics, career, family, friends, bring a social butterfly or just living life day by day - you dictate where your life is going and what that requires from you. All in all, you set the route, how much you need to put in is solely in your hands. You do reap what you sow. The real winners are those that strike the perfect balance, keeping both themselves and their significant other, or boss, or tutor, or parents - whoever - happy. In finding that balance we must also look for the balance between being selfish and making sure we move in the right direction for our personal and professional growth and being selfless and spending time with our families, doing things with and sometimes for other people, going out of our way to give back and sometimes doing something we really don't want to because it'll make someone else smile.

This will be an ongoing debacle - one I will learn from with passing days and years and therefore continue to update!

The Tea Tribulations: Green or Black?

Tea is quickly gaining ground over coffee. Needless to say, it needs to be perfectly brewed. In such health-conscious times, we must ask the question, ‘which tea is better for you?’ ‘They’ say that tea is packed with anti-oxidants and therefore ‘good for you’. Not to mention the enormous amounts of caffeine that’s buzzing within, too much tea and you can say goodbye to a good night’s rest. We explore the benefits of both…

Traditional, old-school; a cuppa good ol’ black tea:

 If you’re all about flavour, then the richer black teas must appeal more to your taste buds. Not only that but it also packs a punch with antioxidants which combat free radicals – chemical by-products which are known to damage DNA, which in turn cause cancers and other health problems. One of the antioxidants is known as quercetin which is a substance that fights inflammation and supports a healthy immune system. However, there is some research to suggest that black tea is associated with an increased risk of breast cancer but no concrete evidence to support the theory.

The Netherlands National Institute of Public Health recently conducted a study of over 500 men, and found that an increased number of flavonoids in the diet can drastically reduce the risk of stroke. While some flavonoids, which are essentially nutrients obtained from plants with antioxidant benefits, were obtained from fruit and veg, over 70% come from black tea. It is these phytonutrients (plant nutrients) that reduce LDLs in the system, that is to say the ‘bad’ cholesterol, which in turn reduces chances of a stroke. Four cups of daily tea are recommended, in men, to combat the risk of such cholesterol-related diseases.

Furthermore, Dr Joseph Vita, at Boston’s School of Medicine in a separate study concluded that black tea can reverse abnormal functioning of the blood vessels and which can cause a stroke or heart-attack. Within two hours of downing a cuppa there are visible changes and improvement in the working of the blood vessels.

If you’re hoping to pull an all-nighter, definitely go for black tea! On an average a strong brew has about 50mg of caffeine per cup. Not half as many as coffee, which has between a hundred to 350mgs, but certainly more than green tea which weighs in at eight to thirty, again, depending on the strength!

Last but not least, a study held in 2009, suggested that a long-term intake of black-tea greatly reduced the prevalence of diabetes. Compounds extracted from the product were more effective at slowing the absorbption of blood sugar than those found in green tea.

If you’re prone to anxiety and blood pressure problems you may want to lower your intake of black tea, as the large amount of caffeine can cause increased heart rates, anxiety attacks and worsening of stomach ulcers.

 

Chilled out, light ‘n’ easy; health-conscious, green tea:

Catechins! No I’m not screaming out mindless words in excitement. Catechins are a substance that is present in both green and black tea, but during the fermenting process in black tea a majority of them are turned into theaflavins and thearubigens, which have their own benefits. The important thing to note is that there’s a certain substance known as epigallocatechin gallate, more commonly known as EGCG, which is present eight times more in a cup of green tea than black tea. This substance helps to break down body fats and increase metabolism. A study at the Queen Margaret University in Edinburgh led to suggest that drinking four cups of commercial green tea on a daily basis not only reduces body fat, weight and cholestrol but also systolic and diastolic blood pressure when the diet is unchanged, which in turn reduces risk factors which lead to heart problems.

Since green tea leaves are gently steamed to stop the oxidising process, the same leaves from the Camellia Sinensis are allowed to further oxidise and go through further processing and fermenting before they’re ready to be brewed. This however destroys a lot of the natural properties and benefits of the tea while they’re still present, for the most part, in green tea. One such substance is polyphenol, which is an antioxidant plant substance that reduces the risk of degenerative diseases such as cancer and cardiovascular diseases.

Therefore a more potent anti-oxidant than the former, green tea originates mainly from China and is slowly infiltrating the west where traditionally black tea was drunk for centuries with or without milk and sugar. There are a myriad of flavours available, some sweet some tangy, some fruity yet some richer and almost woody. None, however, come close to the strength of flavour bursting from black tea.

 So which is better? Green or Black? I say drink both!

Until recently research focused more on green tea as it’s loaded with the aforementioned EGCG which is a very powerful antioxidant. However, the by products of the fermenting process to obtain black tea leaves behind theaflavins and thearubigens which not only contribute to its deep, dark, colour and rich, distinctive flavour but also provide health benefits originally attributed solely to green tea such as reducing LDLs and improving blood vessel function.

Met the Parents!

So in hindsight - after my first post - "meeting the parents" (and after having actually been through it) - I've come to realise no matter how much you plan you can't really direct how the meeting is going to go. The dos and don'ts are good to go over, but since it's a first time affair you're not sure exactly what kind of people they are. What are topics you should steer clear of? Politics and religion I'd say - cos you don't know what their stance is on those subjects and things can get personal. It's also best not to argue too much to get your point across, after all, this is the first time you're meeting them.

Another thing to perhaps keep in mind is how to involve everyone in the conversation. Make sure you're talking to each other as well so that the family can see why you're so great together. THAT is the main reason you want to be together right? So make sure your chemistry is visible, let the love come across. No need to get handsy and be staring into each others eyes or being flirtatious! Just being yourselves is probably plenty!

If the hosts have gone through the trouble of painstakingly setting out some goodies and tea for you, DO let them know you appreciate their effort by eating (at least a little bit) and thanking them for going to such lengths! I think I'll keep adding to this as I go along and find out more...!

[caption id="attachment_27" align="aligncenter" width="872"] Whatever you do... don't do this![/caption]

Meeting the Parents!

So boy meets girl. They do that hot and cold dance, they playfully sail along the flirtatious phase and before you know it they're madly in love and seriously considering monogamy. Unfortunately it's not so simple, for a lot of boys who meet girls to just slip a ring on a finger, mutter a few sincere words and tie the knot. Nopes! They must jump through hoop after hoop till not only the girl, but her family, friends, and loved ones are just slightly convinced that he is suitable, if not perfect, for their little girl. So what must boy know when he's getting ready to meet the parents? And the family?

 

Let's think Dos and Don'ts!

Do...

Be confident!
Bring something
Be punctual
Practice your table manners (if invited for a meal)
Be polite
Be interesting & interested
Be on your best behaviour
Dress well
Offer to help out if you see others doing things
Keep conversations pg
Compliment, but not excessively (once or twice should be enough)
Thank them for taking the time out and having you over

Don't...

Get too handsy!
Be too aggressive
Come empty handed
Crack  offensive jokes
Stuff your face (if invited for a meal)
Bitch your family out
Dress too casually
Do anything TOO crazy
Be too familiar/comfortable
Bring booze
Act like you know more than you do
Forget to have fun!

Where I gathered some of this wisdom from...

An interesting and funny article: http://buquad.com/2010/01/25/meeting-the-parents-dos-and-dont-for-the-collegiate-significant-other/

And another one: http://www.29secrets.com/sections/relationships/dos-and-donts-meeting-parents

Last one: http://blog.badonlinedates.com/date-stories-jens-blog/2011/07/tuesday%E2%80%99s-topic-meeting-the-parents-dos-and-donts.html

I wonder if girls get more nervous than the guys... ! All these (above) articles are written by girls!